Keeping Secrets

“I’ve just found out I have herpes (STI) from a partner years ago. Do I have to tell my current/next partner or shall I just hope that I don’t have a flare up when we’re together?

Hi A,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve contracted Herpes.  The first thing you need to do is see your doctor to fully understand your how to manage your situation, meaning: what treatment you may need, how the virus is spread, what strain you have, etc.
Unfortunately a lot of people have the virus and are unaware that they have it and spread it to others.  Since you know you have it you should really do all you can to not spread the virus and that includes letting your partners know & having responsible sexual encounters.  I understand that it’s a very personal subject and can be quite embarrassing to discuss with someone but it is unfair to knowingly expose someone to the virus.  Wouldn’t you have wanted to know that your former partner had the herp before you got into bed with them? YES you would! That may not have stopped you but you would have known the risk and been more responsible.
The next most important thing is to have your current partner tested. You may have already spread the virus to them without knowing but they should be tested as soon as possible to be certain of their status.  How many partners have you had in between your current partner & the one you got herpes from? Is there a chance you’ve exposed them to the virus as well?
A, there’s a lot to think about here and safety is chief among them. Please contact me if you have any other questions or need some resources for testing, counseling or just information on your circumstance. I hope you make the right choice here.
– B